I am 35 and in love with my boyfriend of 1-1/2 years, Ben, who is 42. We have a wonderful relationship built on love, mutual respect and friendship. He has three daughters all leaving for college this year and I have a seven year old son who also loves Ben very much. We both know I want to spend the rest of my life with him but he's not so sure, he wants to go on seeing each other and just see what happens. We both had very unhappy first marriages and he's told me several times he is afraid if we get married and/or live together that sooner or later I will leave him and he doesn't want that to happen to him again, (due to his first experience).
We both know we would have a wonderful life together, he even admits it, but he has this fear and I don't know what to do. A couple of weeks ago we went on a trip and we were walking just enjoying the scenery. I guess I was walking too fast and he grabbed me and told me he was afraid I was going to leave him. He did it again this weekend. Both times I have told him that I wouldn't leave him, and I mean that I would never leave him.
His insecurities bring out my insecurities and sometimes I beat myself into the ground, blaming myself and thinking I'm not good enough, that if I was worth it he'd make a commitment, but I also know that it's not all me. He tells me he loves me and he thinks I'm wonderful and he can't believe how lucky he is that I love him, but he's so scared and I don't know what to do to reassure him enough to tear down the fences and give us a chance.
He's the best person I have ever known and I can't imagine my life without him, but my faith is starting to run out because of his non commitment towards the relationship.
What can I do? From Rachael.
RELATIONSHIP & ROMANCE FORUM; MINISTER FOR WOMEN AFFAIRS WELCOMES YOU
Posted: at 1-05-2012 05:01 PM (12 years ago) | Addicted Hero
a man of 42 is no lonqer a BOY. boyfriend ke?? i quess his first marriage has caused this issue of insecurity. just watch events unfold. . he'd make a commitment soon. buh i have to repeat, this PAPA is not a BOY. . haba 42!!!
Posted: at 1-05-2012 05:05 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
42!!! Hei no be small pikin again o!r u goin to wait until he's 50 b4 he commits to u? U guys beta have a heart to heart discussion abt ur insecurities. Time waits for no one.
Posted: at 1-05-2012 05:26 PM (12 years ago) | Newbie
mizcollins1 at 1-05-2012 06:37 PM (12 years ago) (f)
you need to reasure him and have patience,let him know how much you love him not just by saying it,show him!..bear in mind you youself have had an already failed marriage,don't want to be rushing things now do you?
Posted: at 1-05-2012 06:37 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
jossy4reall at 1-05-2012 07:18 PM (12 years ago) (m)
a man whos father was killed by bee sting................,whenever he see housefly he will be afraid...........still give him more time while u did ur best 2 assure him dat u wil not leave him.., dat is if u ar sure of it
50kobo I guess u ar d man in question hia
Love or Hate me its ur Biz, I have more important things to think abt since u never gonna change me
Posted: at 1-05-2012 07:18 PM (12 years ago) | Hero
a man of 42 is no lonqer a BOY. boyfriend ke?? i quess his first marriage has caused this issue of insecurity. just watch events unfold. . he'd make a commitment soon. buh i have to repeat, this PAPA is not a BOY. . haba 42!!!
gaskiya is not more a boy but man
Posted: at 1-05-2012 07:45 PM (12 years ago) | Newbie
DEAR FRIEND U CANT FORCE A MAN 2 PROPOSE 2 U. GUYS OF THESE DAYS U CANT BE 2 SURE. PLS WATCH HIM CLOSELY, THERE MAY BE SMTHINGS HE WOULDNT WANT U 2 DISCOVER AND HE'S AFRAID DAT ONCE U FIND OUT U'LL LEAVE. TAKE TIME & OBSERVE HIM.
Posted: at 1-05-2012 08:56 PM (12 years ago) | Newbie
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