How Do You Feel About "The Other Person" In A Affair ?

I think most people would view them as "Homewreckers" and just bad people.

I fell in love with a girl while back who was with someone and had a kid with him.

We were co-workers and at first were just friends.She was attractive and the word was spread quik that she was married.We ended up working directly with each other and we got to know each better.I wasnt about to flirt with her as I knew she was married.

Eventually she started telling me how he treated her like crap and wasnt there for the kid and that they didnt even sleep together anymore.But I would only give her advice.

Eventually we ended up working different schedules.When I was leaving work,she was coming in.I didnt see her for a while and one day I found a note on my car from her just saying asking how I was doing.Just friendly.After that she would show up early just to see me before I left home and we would talk for a while.At this point I was starting to feel something for her and that she deserved better in her life.

I guess this one week they "broke up" and when she came to work one day and I was working overtime. She came up to me with no one around and hugged me and kissed me on the lips. Of course I was in shock.

The next day we talked about it and she apologized and told me how much she liked me and felt all these things but that she moved back with him for her kid to have both parents.I told her that I did feel the same for her which underneath it all I did but I knew that we should do anything.
Regardless we sould still would hang out and eventually went out to a bar,had some drinks and from that point, I was in Heaven on a highway to Hell for almost two years.
She told me that they were actually NOT married but people somehow thought she was so she just went with it to avoid being hit on by all the guys, which really didnt dtop anything. know she wasnt really married somehow made things as if it was "OK" after all.I wanted to beleive her when she told me she loved me and that they didnt sleep together and that she would eventually leave that situation.I was in so deep that in some way I fealt like I was the main guy and that she was cheating on me and I wasnt worried about him coming after me but was worried about me going after him.

Eventually she ended up choosing him over me and although she actually wanted me in her life, I had to choose my life over her.Theres was no way in hell I could have a "Friendship" with her.That was over 2 years ago since everything ended.

I still dont deny how much I loved her cause I did and whats sad is that I cant technicaly even call her an "EX".I think about a lot of the naive ways of thinking she had and wondered if the guy was even a bad guy or was just changing into a jerk as a result of the way she was.She wasnt evil or antyhing just not experience and immature since this guy was her first and only.I felt like I lost but he also may never know the things we did together.It didnt start off with me plotting to "steal" her from him.I truely wanting to give her better than what she had which was supposedly nothing.

There are so many unhappy relationships (including some of my own friends) like the one she claimed to be in, so a part of me wants to give her the benifit of the doubt that perhaps she was just a lost soul and not strong enough to leave him and got caught up in me and ended up hurting me.What if she regrets not leaving him?Who knows.

Anyway,I promised myself that I would not be like her and I dont tolerate someone treating me bad even if we had kids which would lead me to my current love love but thats another story.

So how do you guys see my role in this,would you want to kill me or could you understand my side to this story?Any experiences with this? And yes I have been cheated on (before this) but I never tried to hurt the other guy,I just cut her loose, end of story