THIS IS WHAT A GUY WROTE TO A SYSTEM ANALYST;
Dear Systems Department,
I am desperate for some help!
I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife
1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child
Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable
resources.
This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In
addition Wife 1.0 Installs itself into all other
programs and launches during systems Initialization and
then it monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5"
and "Golf 5.3" no longer Run, and crashes the
system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Selected
"Saturday Football 6.3" always fails and
"Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the backgroundwhilst
attempting to run any of my favourite applications. Be it
online or offline. I am thinking of going back to
"Girlfriend7. 0", but uninstall doesn't work on
this program.
Can you please help?
...... AND THIS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID;
Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic
misunderstanding of the functions of the "wife1.0
"program. Many customers upgrade from "Girlfriend
7.0" to "Wife 1.0 " thinking that "Wife
1.0" is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.
Actually, "Wife 1.0 " is an OPERATING SYSTEM
designed by it's Creator to Run everything. You are
unlikely to be able to purge "Wife 1.0 "and still
convert back to "Girlfriend 7.0 ", as "Wife
1.0" was not designed to do this and it is Impossible
to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the
System once it is installed. Some people have tried to
install "Girlfriend 8.0 "or "Wife 2.0 "
but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under
Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having " Wife 1.0 " installed, I recommend you
keep it installed And deal with the difficulties as best as
you can. When any faults or problems Occur, whatever you
think has caused them, you must run the
C:\APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME Program and avoid attempting
to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.
It may be necessary to run C:\APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME
for a number of times, and eventually hope that the
operating system will return to normal. "Wife 1.0
", although a very high maintenance program, can be
very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional
Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and
"Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\KISSES
600.0" or "TENDERNESS \ UNDERSTANDING
1000.0", or even "Eating Out Without the Kids
7.2.1" (if child processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary
2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand
3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported
Application for "Wife 1.0 "and the system will
almost certainly CRASH.
BEST OF LUCK!
Your Systems Analyst,
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