LADIES! These Are Our Rules..... (Page 2)

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... they are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!
 
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.(If u find it down, it's simple common sense to let it as u found it!)
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.(Don't worry, it's better for us to go shopping without u!)
1. Crying is blackmail.(Really? )
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!(Because your mind wasn't made for subtleties, right? It's not that fine, but rather a rough one)
1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.(That yes)
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.(Ha!Stone heart, huh?)
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.(Never!We may forgive, but not forget  )
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.(TV is more important than ur wife? Then why u didn't marry it?!)
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.(It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.)
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, basketball and football or boxing.
1. Don't assume that we won't care where you are, because we do.It makes us feel secure to know that our girlfriends aren't off flirting with guys we've never heard of.
1. Don't talk about your ex-boyfriends.  We never have, nor ever will respect or like them, nor do we want to hear about them. When you do, you're asking us to be jealous. You're asking us to lose trust.
1. We don't care if you talk to other guys.We don't care if you're friends with other guys.(I don't believe that! )
1. When we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/ cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. Don't tell us we're wrong cos we'll stop trying to convince you. (The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.) Yeah, you can quote me.
1. Don't flirt with guys when we're not around.We'll find out. Trust us. We have eyes everywhere.  And when we find out, we'll be pissed.  Not necessarily with the guys you flirted with, more-so with you.(That applies both ways)
1. Don't take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
1. Don't get angry easily.
1. Don't talk about how hot Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that.
1. Whatever happened to the word "handsome"? Why does everything have to be "hot/sexy"? I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of. Claiming girls or guys to be "hot" shows immaturity.
 
1. And yes, you girls are not good with numbers!(Says who?  )