I was looking at this site today and I saw that one of the most popular articles on it was a list of reasons for a low libido. When I say this site, I literally mean THIS site – the one you’re on, the Yahoo! Lifestyle thing. A humungous 512 people ‘liked’ the libido article. By contrast, my article on this site last week about segxwal partners was ‘liked’ by just three people, and one of them was me.
So because I lack originality and imagination I have decided that I will write something about libido as well. Here are my top 10 libido killers for men.
Smells
Obviously bad breath, smelly armpits, insalubrious bits and sudden farts are not erotic. But nice smells can sometimes backfire too. A strong whiff of the same perfume your ex used to wear can prompt unhelpful feelings of nostalgia, rage or confusion.
Boredom
If you’re bored with a girl segxwally, then obviously that will affect your desire. But it’s equally bad when you’re pulling out all your best moves and it’s her who looks like she’d rather be watching ‘Celebrity Masterchef’. Obviously, it’s never happened to me. I’m just saying, you know, it would be bad.
Chat
When done right, dirty talk is great. Even when done badly, it can be alright. And from my experience, lots of girls are fans of it. But you can have too much of it. And if someone simply doesn’t shut up, it can become a bit distracting for some men.
Questions
Am I doing that wrong? Shall we turn the light off? Should I take this off or leave it on? Why do you like me? Is that normal? Actually do you think it was better with the light on? Too hairy? Being faced with a series of dilemmas is not conducive to spontaneous, passionate love-making.
Hair
I’m not going to get into the shaving debate here. Take the rough with the smooth, I say. But hair in unexpected places is odd. I was once 'with' a lady who had lots of hair on her back. That was disconcerting. Maybe it wasn’t her fault - maybe it was hormonal, or she just didn’t know it was there. Anyway, I haven’t seen her since.
Nerves
I can’t believe they missed this one out in their 512-times-liked libido article. The only time I’ve had genuine trouble in this department is with girls I’ve never slept with before - the first time is when the pressure is at its greatest. No matter how good you think you are, you have to prove it all over again. It’s like turning up for a job interview without any references.
Idiots
I’m not proud to say I’ve slept with various girls I consider to have a lower intellectual capacity than myself. And let’s face it, I’m no Steven Hawking. Normally, it’s fine. But there are occasions when it doesn’t make you feel great about yourself, like when that girl told me her favourite author was Jordan.
Boffins
There’s only one thing more off-putting than sex with someone mildly cretinous – and that’s sex with someone smarter than you. With stupid people, at least you don’t really care what they think. But intelligence is intimidating. You feel more vulnerable to analysis of your technique. I suppose it’s a good job most clever women are clever enough not to sleep with me.
False advertising
Whether it’s a push-up bra, a designer girdle or a plastic pair of Double-Ds, all girls do this in some way. But just bear in mind that if you make something look better than it really is, there will be disappointment once it all unravels into a heap of clothes on the floor.
Booze
Of course I have to mention this one. Eights pints aren’t generally conducive to handsome boners because alcohol is a numbing agent. Drunken sex can often be done though. And to be frank, men often use so-called brewers’ droop as an excuse when the real reason is really one of the others on this list.
Now if I get three likes again, I’ll feel rather impotent.
Read more from Dan Juan
If you want to meet someone that won't kill your libido, check out Match.com.
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Seriously, flymama, this guy should pay me in currency or send his wife over. I don try too much for this guy.
| Posted: at 28-08-2010 04:21 PM (14 years ago) | Upcoming |
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